A New Year Does Not Mean a New Me

Yesterday, on the second week of January I stepped foot back in my gym. It had been three weeks of holiday feasting and resting since I had gotten up the gumption to sweat my behind off voluntarily. Thankfully, HEW Orlando always welcomes me back with open arms as if I've never even skipped a beat, but internally I had a battle going on.

In the years past I went hog wild on January 1st with resolutions and reinventing and promising and committing. That usually consisted of all different types of new habits I had to add to my daily routine and even more I had to eliminate. Toss in a diet and a lofty goal to lose 30 lbs. by swimsuit season and I had my backpack of unrealistic expectations strapped on and ready to tackle the year. Basically, lady Gaga’s wardrobe changes had nothing on me. January 1st was going to reveal a fabulous fresh person. When that ball dropped so did the me that existed “as is”. But don’t worry... the “new me” that I would strive for in the coming months would rescue my worthiness, don’t you fret!! ⚠️Spoiler alert: that never panned our very well.⚠️

The idea that we need to improve ourselves time and time again with each passing year is universal yet exhausting. The underlying message we reiterate to ourselves is that the regular version of us from last year was never “enough”. Get better. Do better. Change it all.

I decided to sing a different tune in 2018 with the hopes of better results... errr, no results?! Let me explain. Instead of tossing out any remnants of the old me, I decided I like her and would keep her around. The trendy term “New year. New me.” used to hover over me like a dark cloud. My motto this year instead feels like the sun shining through on a dreary day. 

"New Year. Worthy Me"

The idea of a blank slate offering extra motivation as we open our brand new calendars to reveal twelve months of opportunity before us, is not lost on me. I appreciate the endless possibilities presented when 52 empty weeks lie ahead. I certainly participate in the purge, organize, and clean all the things process that happens around this time. It just feels nice to cleanse your surroundings and set yourself up for success. I can rally behind self improvement and goal setting. I’m in no way encouraging excessive contentment or discouraging striving to better ourselves.

My goal with the motto “New Year. Worthy Me” is to set a tone of abundant grace, self improvement saturated in self love, and changes towards a truer me instead of a better me. The idea being that the me last year and the year before and the year before and many before that were good enough as is. That if I make changes this year, it will stem from the idea of loving myself into better choices. Not shaming myself into withholding or discomfort. It takes all of that desire to better myself and wraps it in a grace that says, “if not, I’m still good enough."  

The truth is, resolutions die down most often not even a month into the year despite our best efforts. That seems to steam from the root of our so called "change". We can't stick out the commitment because we have told ourselves this change will be the only thing that makes our self worth a dang thing. My motto instead, confirms that if I change, it's because I'm worthy of it. But also if I stay the same, I'm already worth enough. Any aspirations I set for myself with that mindset seems like it will harvest lifetime adjustments not just momentary changes. 

This year just seems like the right time to start living into myself. To start saying no when I want to and allow a yes where I can. It just feels right to set my intentions for the year based on love, for myself and for others. I just read an article by a dying 27 year old woman where one of her very last life lessons she wrote a day before God called her home, was "be ruthless for your own well-being." I'd have to say that's a very sound piece of advice and exactly what I aim to do with my non-resolutions-New Year's Resolution. 

Yesterday I walked into my gym a "week late" and didn't even complete the workout. As I left, I wanted to cry because I was slacking and there was no way I'd get that killer bod or lose the weight or become super productive and successful this year unless I started crushing each day in all aspects of my life (mothering, boss lady, gym rat, wife duties, homemaker, entrepreneur... does the list ever end?!) But the "Worthy Me" took over and offered the sweetest smelling grace I ever sniffed. I, you, WE are already worthy regardless of the dos/donts or have/have nots. Because of that truth, I will do my best the very next day in the gym. But I also had pizza for lunch. The old me/the new me... whoever the heck she is, I'm loving the heck out of her for who she is today. That is exactly my plan for the next 356 days as well. Join me.